Romance me forever! Huh??
Romantic love is obsessive, erratic, consuming, fleeting, exhilarating, depressing. Once requited, it can slip easily into boredom.
In all non-romantic relationships, emotions and intensity are allowed to wax and wane, and though never comfortable or pleasant for the one at the receiving end, are accepted without much fuss and chaos. But in romantic love, these phases are taken as aberrations. The other is crucified!
Have you thought about this? Romance fades because both time and success are its enemies.
The constant selling of romantic love!
Attraction or spark between couples normally wanes after two years, however television, movies and magazines actively encourage the notion that fading romance and boredom is a sign of a failed relationship.
The glorification of romance as never-ending, glamorous and fulfilling is repeatedly reinforced via innumerable mediums. A lot of industries and businesses depend on it: the fashion industry, health and wellness, television shows, music, literature and, of course, Bollywood! A ubiquitous feature of Bollywood cinema is happy endings: concluding a film with the union of a romantic couple. Besides, they oversimplify the process of falling in love and revalidate its eternal ideal, forcing us to think that it could and should be achieved.
Social appearances are often deceptive
Social media – Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram, et al. – have massively propagated the myth of romantic love. What does not get posted are the affairs, the ugly fights, the dinners without having exchanged any words, and other deeper and everyday issues.
“They appear happy in parties and you think they are happy.”
“I live in an elite area, Cuffe Parade in Mumbai. Most of the couples in my area have come to me, socially, as neighbors or with their issues. To others, they appear great but without a single exception, all of them have serious issues. Well, we hide it because everyone need not know what’s happening in their relationship. For a long time, I would think, ‘They seemed so good together’. I see a totally different side. But to others, they still seem perfect. I always tell my clients, don’t be fooled by others’ projections of their perfect married life.
Real relationships have ebb and flow
Another therapist, Salony Priya, based in Calcutta, specializing in marital therapy, said, “I can say with some experience that the ‘happy-in-front-of-others’ couples form the majority in our society. You would say, “what a nice happy couple’. In reality, their married life has been over for years. Many even sleep in separate bedrooms.”
There is real mettle to the relationship that has survived decades. It is in small and big compromises that the couple makes a day in and day out. In the letting go and holding on.
