My best friend’s words still ring in my ears: when he walks away, let him go. Don’t chase him or make it easy for him. All I’ll say is shit, she was right.
I bet every woman in the world recognizes this annoying pattern of most men:
- Treats you as his priority.
- Offers you affection and unique romantic gestures.
- Makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world.
- GO AWAY.
Most men are masters of moving from the status of (potential) to vanishing into thin air. Really, it takes a lot of skill to win a woman over and then walk away like you’ve never been with her.
Why do men do this? Why do men retreat before deciding to commit to you? What should you do when this happens?
I’ve seen a lot of complicated questions, but they are definitely in the top 10. Don’t worry, lady. Today you will learn everything you need to know about why men pull out and what to do about it, a.k.a., how to get them back (if you want to, of course).
What does it mean when a guy pulls away
One of the main reasons men pull out early in a relationship is that they feel their freedom is in jeopardy. In other words, they start to pull away when they feel like they are suffocating.
Why do men move away after getting closer? It happens all the time and early in a relationship, it can be thought of as an epidemic of men pulling out just as feelings start to kick in and things are about to get more serious.
Men walk away when they feel like you’re trying to control them
Let me show you. Let’s say he isn’t wooing you like he used to and his romantic gestures scream little effort or are nonexistent.
You notice it all and it starts to bother you. You wait for it to change, but it doesn’t. So you decide to take matters into his own hands and push him to try harder.
You begin to ask him to spend more time with you and to cover you with affection like he did before. Once you start doing it, it will feel like you are trying to control it, so it will walk away.
He will be afraid of being in a relationship with a controlling partner, and because of this, he might start to ghost you.
Men walk away when they feel like they have to choose between themselves and their partner
Here is the thing. Men are extremely sensitive to their freedom of choice. If a man begins to feel pressured to choose between himself and his partner, he will be afraid.
He’s going to start thinking about this: OMG, I’m in a serious relationship. Obviously I can’t choose who I’m going to spend my time with anymore because my significant other insists that we watch this romantic movie (or do something else of their choosing).
Let’s say he wants to watch football with his buddies, but you don’t allow him to do it because you only want it for yourself.
If you don’t give a man a choice, he will start to suffocate and he will walk away.
It’s true that being in a relationship takes work and dedication, but that doesn’t mean partners have to spend all of their free time together.
Compromise is the best bet. If you know how to compromise with him, he will have enough time and space to himself and he will never think of withdrawing again because such a relationship will not seem like a burden to him.
Men walk away when they feel like you are harassing them
One of the biggest reasons men decide to back down is when you constantly make them feel guilty for not doing something or meeting your expectations.
It looks like this:
You: Why didn’t you wash the dishes?
You: A million times I’ve told you to do this.
You: Why do I always have to be the one who thinks of everything?
Him: Ok, I’ll do it now.
You: Do you really have to spend every Friday with your friends?
You: Why don’t you want to spend some time with me? Am I boring to you or are you no longer interested in me?
Him: I never said you were boring or that I didn’t care. The truth is, Friday is the only day of the week I spend time with them.
By constantly harassing him, you send him a message that he is not doing anything right. So stepping back is his way of giving you a warning that you shouldn’t expect too much from him.
Men like to feel able to make their wives happy. If you focus only on the harassment instead of finding a peaceful way to resolve your issues, he will start to suffocate and he will want to come out of this type of relationship.
The more you push, the further it will move away.
I understand this completely. When my ex was pulling away from me, I panicked, and pushing him was a reasonable thing to do at the time. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that the harder I pushed, the farther he went.
The reason I pushed him was that I was afraid of losing him. When a man stops trying and starts acting weird, you can’t help yourself but think too much.
This over-thinking is what forces you to do stupid things like chase him down in the hopes of changing him and letting him know he’s made a mistake.
I’ll tell you this: If you feel the urge to push it, you know you’re not in a healthy relationship.
The surge occurs when desperation and fear enter. Suddenly you catch yourself devising the perfect plan that will make her regret even thinking of ghosting you or walking away from you.
Unfortunately, you can’t lie to yourself for long. At some point, you realize that you have no control over it at all. So when he walks away, let him go.
If you send him desperate texts, you’ll push him away even more. Remember: the more you push him to be the man you want him to be, the further away he will be.
How do you react when a guy walks away
When a guy walks away, you need to stop contacting him and give him some space. By letting him go, you will take back your power and show him that you are a woman of great worth. This will motivate him to sue you.
Don’t chase, text, or call 24/7 until he finally decides to answer you. If you do anything, you won’t scare him even more.
It’s time to take back your power
Many women forget that taking back their power isn’t about being forceful or forcing men to do exactly what you tell them to do. I used to think that too, but now I know the real truth.
Taking back your power is realizing that you are not in control of his actions but your own.
Stop thinking about yourself: he was a good man, and I know he still is, but I have to help him show it to me. I need to change it because if I don’t, I’ll lose it for good.
NO, you cannot change a man if he is unwilling to change.
You can’t force him to act the way you want him to.
Taking back your power is realizing that he is responsible for his actions and it is not your job to help him “become the man he should be.”
You can’t force him to send you goodnight and hello messages every day. You can’t force him to be more romantic if it’s just your idea and not his.
If a man isn’t ready to treat you the way you deserve, criticizing him and forcing him to change won’t help if he isn’t ready or willing to do it himself.
Don’t make it easy for him
So the worst thing you can do in this case is decide whether to sue him or beg him to come back. Instead, have him chase you and fight for you.
This might not be the first time this has happened to you. If it’s happened a few times so far, that’s a huge red flag, and this time you need to do the right thing (every relationship expert and dating coach would confirm that).
High quality men love the challenge of a high quality woman.
Look at it this way. If a man decides to step back and you immediately start running after him, he will not see you as a woman of great worth, but as desperate and possibly in need.
He’ll know how much you want and need him in your life, even if he’s pulling back and giving you nightmares right now.
If you let him know that he can withdraw at any time and that you will end up chasing him every time he does, he will lose respect for you.
Don’t make it easy for him. Instead of running after him, wait for him to come back on his own. Show him that you are a challenge, and if he wants to be with you, he has to be ready to win you over again.
Show him that you are a valuable woman who doesn’t chase after those who decide to retire because you have a life of your own and exciting things are happening.
You don’t have the time to focus on those who don’t want to be a part of your life and aren’t ready to fully engage.
Once he achieves all of this, he will get back to you in record time (assuming he still has feelings for you).