Despite the fact that society as we know it has been turned upside down, one essential element of The Before Times remains constant and unchanged: people feel lonely and, as a result, excited. Jennifer Anniston commented live on her ex John Mayer’s Instagram, Dua Lipa gave us an hymn about ‘good blowjob in the moonlight’, and even two notoriously bad childbearing pandas got it.
Unless you were living with a partner before the quarantine or were stuck with someone you casually saw as things started to go south, your aroused levels are probably hitting astronomical highs right now. . You’re not alone. But there’s no end in sight to the sex break either, so a nation turns its excited eyes on you, sexting.
A Drexel University study found that most adults have sexts to each other before, and virtually everyone is receptive to it. We are in 2020, the sext is on the table. But! A good sexting will go a long way – maybe it will even lead to a nude swap – but you have to stick to the process. You can’t just ram your excited thoughts into a conversation like the Kool-Aid Man bursting through a wall. Here, some tips on how to start sexting, ideas on what to say (whether it’s someone you’ve seen or someone new), and potential minefields to avoid.
Read the room
Like real sex, working till the moment works wonders. It’s good to be open and direct, but not cold. Please do not text someone: “Are you ready to start sexting?” This is not a Zoom meeting. There is no calendar invitation. (Unless he’s your pervert.) Feel the conversation you’re having and tap into the sexual tension. Every time you cast the sexy pivot it shouldn’t come as a shock to the sextee that the joke has turned into a hot one. Perhaps you rethink to tossing, “I can’t wait to bump into you” as a non-sequitur in the middle of a conversation about how their workday is going. (Unless it’s their pervert.)
If you’ve been flirting and someone says they miss you, this is a perfect opportunity to tiptoe into sexting. The same goes for any statement that implies that they wish you were there next to them – saying that they are cold, or that they wish you could try the shallot pasta that they have done, or have trouble sleeping on their own. These are all classic lonely feelings that turn perfectly into something spicier. Speaking of segue …
The door is open, you are ready to move. A lot of good sexting starts with an iteration of “I wish I could _____ with you now”. When you fill in the first space, it shouldn’t be that crazy, at least while you’re warming up. Another blameless expectation: “I want you so much.” You have to build the drama. I’m just saying to someone, “Hey, I wish we had sex now – I think about it. That’s it! ”Isn’t sexting. It’s ding-dong giving them the information that you’re horny. If your pivotal message elicits an equally exciting response, you can turn up the heat and get a little dirtier with your next post, or request a sexy pic if you’ve already traded them.
Take a walk in the past
Sexting means trying to jointly paint a picture of what you would be doing if you were both in the same room. If you’ve had sex together before (congratulations), use this as a guide. State the things they do in bed that drive you crazy – like, “I always love it when you _____.” Be specific – but not, like, scientifically specific – talk about what made you horny. This will prompt your sexting partner to do the same. Like re-watching 30 Rock or The Office or The Sopranos, you will be able to relive all the parts that you loved.
Lost? Get physical
You don’t need to write a Fifty Shades of Gray-caliber missive here. Just telling your partner what feels good does wonders. If you don’t know where to start, you can always tell how hard or wet you are, how horny you are, or how close you are to cum. Then you can move on to something like “It’s amazing when you…” or “I wish you were there so that I could…” Basic? Sure. But like a Sade album, proven and infallible.
Maybe not exactly with this sentence. But: sexting, in its essence, exists so that two people wanking alone can do it together. (No pressure – you don’t have to masturbate – you can sit on your couch and watch reruns of Futurama while you do sext if you want to.) Remember to ask your partner questions. ! Not just “And then what? And now what? So what now? ”Ask questions like“ What do you represent right now? ”Or“ What would you like me to do to you? ”Or“ Where would you like me to touch you? ”Play their answers to keep you there. Momentum You collaborate on the fantasy together, don’t put all the work on it.
Sexting is like cartoons, as long as the logic doesn’t apply to these chat bubbles. You both say what you want to do, what will do you good, what would turn you on. You can sext on things that are not possible in real life. For example: sex in real life usually doesn’t literally last all night unless you’re Sting. You can tell you’re about to cum when you’re not quite there yet. You can pick someone up and fuck them against a wall when in real life you haven’t done leg day for three years. Sexting is the only time that shower sex isn’t really bad! Gravity fanfic role-playing game if Sandra Bullock & George Clooney had sex in the dark void of space (if, as always, he’s your pervert). The laws of science do not apply to sexting arousal.
Please no emoji
An eggplant emoji is hardly a sitcom punchline at this point. None of your sext should contain an emoji. Hear me? Nothing! Especially not like your response to someone taking the time to type out what they would like to do with your body. The same goes for emoji’s elderly cousin, the emoticon. Stick to the words – explicit, descriptive and exciting words – and enjoy the sext.