Scorpios are some of the most private people. Even if you think you know them, they still have layers of mystery about them. But once you start peeling back those layers, Scorpios can have an emotional depth that is hard to match. If you want to learn more about how to get closer to these elusive men, you can learn more about what it takes to understand, talk to, and date the Scorpio.

Part 1

Understanding Scorpios

1. Learn to recognize the personality traits of the Scorpio. Scorpios tend to be very powerful individuals who exhibit the drive and energy of Mars, as well as the dark energy of Pluto. Scorpio men tend to have a quiet and brooding intensity. You won’t usually find them playing the role of class clown. In general, Scorpios will exhibit the following qualities:

  • Loyalty
  • Resourcefulness
  • Intensity
  • Passion
  • Jealousy
  • Seriousness

2. Decide what you want from your relationship. Do you want a casual relationship with few attachments? Or a closer, long-term relationship that’s a little more serious? Scorpios can be very intense and sexual in the short term, and can develop that passion into a deep and lasting bond, but learning to negotiate these differences is essential to the success of the relationship.

  • Scorpios can be great for a fling, making them ideal short-term partners. They sometimes struggle with long-term commitment, however. No matter what you want, go into it looking to make a connection, not with preconceived notions of what a relationship should be like.
  • Sometimes, people who talk about finding a Scorpio mate are looking for a sense of danger or drama. Looking for a “bad boy.” Instead, focus on getting to know this guy and seeing where it leads.

3. Evaluate your own astrological chart. Dating a Scorpio is a good choice if you are have a predominance of the water signs like Cancer or Pisces in your chart. This allows you to empathize with his moods, emotional undercurrents. and unspoken thoughts.

  • If you possess fire signs (Leo, Aries or Sagittarius), you may clash constantly with him and resent all the darkness and gloom Scorpios are famous for exhibiting.
  • In general, someone with lots of air signs like Libra, Aquarius, Gemini would not work with someone who has a Scorpio Sun, because your spontaneity may make him miserable.
  • If you are an Earthy person, you may enjoy having a Scorpio mate. But your love of material things and pragmatism could clash with his idealistic, dreamy and philosophical side. Sometimes the combination works, and sometimes it doesn’t.

Part 2

Talking to a Scorpio

1. Act naturally and prove your trustworthiness. Scorpios can tell right off if you’re being fake. They are the best lie detectors, and value sincerity and trustworthiness in prospective partners. You can know that they will never share a secret you trust them with, and for your own good, you’d best not be spreading any of theirs.

  • Never lie to a scorpio. Breaking trust can be one of the quickest ways of turning a Scorpio guy off and losing him. Even if you think the truth will hurt, it’ll be better to be completely honest.

2. Show that you have some substance. Talk with him about subjects which excite your passion. Many Scorpios secretly feel that the rest of the world lives on the surface of life while they go spelunking into the depths. Show him that you have investigated a few deep caves of meaning as well. Cut right for the heart of an issue and talk about big topics. Scorpios can spot insincerity a mile away, and will turn the other way when they see it coming.

  • It will help if you are as intrigued by some of Scorpio’s favorite subjects like science, political power and the occult.
  • Stay up on current events and world issues. Voice your opinion about what’s going on and ask him what he thinks as well. Don’t shy away from a good debate. Challenge him on things you disagree about and stand up for yourself.

3. Share some intense emotional secrets with a Scorpio. Scorpios are driven by the desire to lose themselves fully in The Other, to achieve an almost mystical state of Kundalini with another person that makes them feel regenerated, renewed, and reborn. Scorpios want to get to know you on an intimate level, but may shy away from making the first move.

  • Be forthright and answer questions he asks as sincerely as possible. If a Scorpio asks a question, he’s not just asking to be polite. Scorpios truly want to know and understand you and figure out why you are the way you are. Clue him into what makes you tick.
  • A Scorpio will appreciate learning more about you, for Scorpios are cursed with craving intense emotional honesty. They often feel that nobody will ever truly understand them, but struggle to express themselves without some encouragement.

4. Spend time contemplating the same things together. Scorpios are serious and will appreciate your desire to have serious conversations, or to spend time reflecting together. Scorpios don’t need constant entertainment or constant chatter in their lives, but do require a lot of time spend in reflection. When you’re with him, it’s ok to share silence comfortably. Don’t look for easy solutions or easy entertainments.

  • Talk about recent books that you’ve both read, or difficult films that you’ve seen. Don’t brush things off by saying, “I didn’t like it.” Instead, think about it. Discuss it. Wrestle with things together.
  • Don’t fill time by rambling. When you talk, it should be in terms of substance, sharing your hopes, fears, and dreams. No Twitter updates.

5. Give him your undivided attention. When you’re with a Scorpio, focus your attention on being together, and doing what you’re doing. Shut off and put away your cell phone when you’re hanging out and talking, so this guy won’t feel and if he’s being ignored.

  • Make eye contact while you’re talking. Practice active listening skills, summarizing the things that he says and responding to them in turn.

6. Don’t pry into his life, but listen to what he reveals. A Scorpio prides himself on being mysterious and layered, and it might take a while to get to know him. But he’ll appreciate the chance to share with you, if you play your cards right. Listen when he talks and look for opportunities to get him to open up even more.

  • If a Scorpio says something, take it to the bank. It will mean a lot to him later if you remember little details, like the name of his best friend from school, or the name of his favorite pet from childhood. These little details show you care.
  • Don’t tease Scorpios. If you want to leaven your conversation with humor, keep it a bit dark and sarcastic. A Scorpio man is not attracted by goofiness or silliness since it tends to deflate the intensity of a conversation.

Part 3

Dating a Scorpio

1. Treat each date as an opportunity for adventure. If you date a Scorpio, aim to keep things exciting. Try to stay have new adventures together, giving him the the motivation he needs to be endlessly fascinated by you.

  • Change the language you use to talk about your dates. Don’t make vague plans like seeing “a movie” or “going out,” and instead say that you want to “Catch a screening of a great new documentary” or you want to “Explore a few new places down by the waterfront.” Make date ideas specific and engaging.
  • Be willing to change plans at the last minute, if something doesn’t work out, or if he’s not into a particular idea. Learn to fly by the seat of your pants when you’re dating a Scorpio.
  • Try to plan things that are exciting for you. A Scorpio is interested in passion, and even if he’s not as passionate as you are about a particular activity, he’ll be turned on by your zest for it.

2. Go on dates that make you physically intimate. Want to get closer to a Scorpio? Get your blood pumping and your bodies moving. Getting outside and doing something physical together can be a fast track to other kinds of intimacy, physical and emotional.

  • Couples massage
  • Yoga
  • Outdoor sports, like basketball, tennis, or golf
  • Swimming
  • Dancing

3. Go on dates that make you emotionally intimate. Scorpios crave that connection, getting to know someone on a deeper level. Plan dates that will allow you to connect in a real way and build something together.

  • Spend private time away together Go on long walks that allow you lots of time to talk, but also plenty of time to just be. Spend time together sharing silence and enjoying each others’ presence.
  • Plan dates that will allow you to talk at length. A candlelight dinner will always be better than a movie, which you’ll have to stay quiet for.
  • Attend intellectual events, like readings, lectures or debates. Discuss them afterward.

4. Be wary of the Scorpio’s sting. Scorpios are known for their sardonic and sometimes cutting sense of humor. It takes some thick skin to hang with a Scorpio sometimes, and you’ll need to develop it. Try to remind yourself that when a Scorpio lashes out, it’s a defensive mechanism that has more to do with him than it does with you.

  • Don’t put up with jealousy or possessiveness, which are common stereotypes of the Scorpio. If your guy is domineering and controlling over your life, it may be more appropriate to end it.

5. Let yourself be passionate when the time is right. You won’t usually need to initiate intimacy with a Scorpio, who is passionate and fiery. If you feel passionate feelings stirred, don’t hold back. Allow yourself to share, and you can spark that innate loyalty that Scorpios exhibit towards their nearest and dearest. For some, it can be the deepest kind of love.


  • Pay attention to the details. How they take their coffee, where in the neighbourhood they frequent, which album is most-played in their iTunes, which animals they get most excited about seeing on the street. A Scorpio loves to feel appreciated and understood.
  • Most Scorpios have a need to be alone from time to time, and on these occasions it is best not to disturb them if you can help it. In many cases a Scorpio’s alone time has a positive effect on their psyche, allowing them to emerge rested and ready to face life’s next set of challenges.


  • Scorpio is the most jealous birth sign of the zodiac. They can also be violent, unforgiving, and even walk out on you permanently if they believe you don’t really love them. Once you break a Scorpio’s trust, you can consider yourself forgiven but forgotten. They will never let you back in.
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