Intimacy is essential to any healthy relationship. Nonetheless, it is not uncommon to see couples suffering from lack of affection in their romances.
If this is something you face, you know how it feels as you seek physical privacy from the person sleeping next to you. Ironic, isn’t it? Well, it’s also devastating and can be disastrous.
So why does lack of affection show up even in seemingly loving relationships? How does this affect you and, most importantly, what can be done about it?
What is behind the lack of affection and intimacy in a relationship?
When did hugs, kisses and hugs disappear from your romance? When did you and your SO stop sleeping together? More importantly: why did this happen?
1. Sometimes you’re loved in a language you don’t understand
Let’s be clear: different people need different levels of affection to function. It all depends on your language of love.
I’m sure you know what I’m talking about exactly. Well, one of those five languages of love is physical touch. These are the people who prefer to use non-verbal communication to express their feelings instead of literally saying “I love you”.
They won’t tell you that they care about you right away. They won’t write you love poems or surprise you every now and then.
But, they will take every opportunity given to them to touch their loved one, to hold their hand while talking, to hug them or to kiss them as they pass.
These people want to be constantly close to the person they love. This proximity brings them security, comfort and satisfaction.
It’s okay when you find a partner who has the same urge to kiss, cuddle, and have sex. But what happens when two people who show their love in completely different ways get together?
What if your partner is introverted? What if showing physical affection meant stepping out of your comfort zone?
What if your guess that they don’t like you is misinformation? So, before accusing your partner of indifference, consider this possibility.
To begin with, observe their behavior carefully. Are they expressing love for you through other languages?
Maybe they prefer to congratulate you or buy you gifts. Maybe they like spending quality time with you, or expressing their unconditional love by doing little daily favors for you.
If so, there is no doubt that you and your partner do not speak the same language in love. While this realization alone won’t magically solve your problem, you know what you are dealing with.
Besides, that’s a start, isn’t it?
2. The worst kind of distance is emotional
People who are on similar wavelengths have no trouble keeping a long distance relationship alive despite all the miles that separate them. But what about those who are sitting next to each other but have never been so distant?
This is exactly what is happening with you and your other half. They are physically present in your life, but the truth is, you can’t seem to really feel their presence.
It’s as if the bond that you two had once disappeared. Someone or something cut the ropes, and now you are there: two strangers waking up next to each other.
Well, the lack of physical contact that you are currently struggling with is nothing more than a direct result of that emotional distance. You’ve drifted apart over the years.
This is something that many couples have to face at some point in their relationship. You don’t know when or how it happened, but admit that you feel emotionally disconnected from your partner.
It’s as if neither of you is mentally or emotionally present in the relationship. Your thoughts and your heart are wandering elsewhere, as far away from your other half as possible.
When this happens, the simple attempt at physical intimacy makes you sick or at least uncomfortable.
The touch of your SO was once a relief after a long day, and now you have a hard time falling asleep next to them, let alone something more.
For some couples, unfortunately, it’s the end of their romantic relationship. They have stopped loving each other, and that’s nothing more than a sign that it’s time to go our separate ways.
On the other hand, some see it as a crisis. They decide to fight it and put all their efforts to restore the lost privacy.
Which approach is the right one, you must be wondering. Once it reaches this point, is a relationship worth saving?
Well, no one can give you the answer to that question – the choice is always yours.
3. Even the strongest feelings expire when ignored
Another reason behind this situation in your relationship is the rut that you and your boyfriend or girlfriend have fallen into.
The two of you have been together for ages, and somehow, along the way, you both stopped having the relationship. It’s like you’ve forgotten to feed and water him like a human being.
Your love is still not gone, but it is definitely on its way to destruction. For years no one has ever done anything to keep him alive, and now you have to face the ruins of what was once great love.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Well, this is a pretty common situation with long term couples in committed relationships.
The bottom line here is that you have started to take yourself for granted. The courtship phase is long gone; there are no more meetings and no more conquest.
So you stopped. You have stopped giving compliments, paying attention, and providing affection.
You’ve gotten used to this person’s presence and you’re sure they’re not going anywhere, no matter what. You have lost the desire for someone who is always within your reach.
The passion is gone, the butterflies in your belly are sleeping, but the hunger of the skin is there.
You and your spouse are no longer lovers or romantic couple. You may be friends or co-parents, but more importantly, you are roommates. You coexist next to each other, you don’t live together.