Why is love fading and people in a perfect relationship separating is one of the great mysteries of life? What keeps us from maintaining the passion, attraction, admiration, and closeness that we once felt for our partner?

The degree to which an individual in a couple enters into a fantastic bond exists on a continuum. At first, people generally open up to each other. But at some point, they become frightened and begin to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable by stopping and withdrawing from their romantic behavior. They replace true love with a fantasy of love, which they support by emphasizing the conventional markers of a relationship.

The good news is that if we hold on to behaviors associated with a fantastic bond. In order to really change our relationships for the better, it is important to take a close look at these harmful behaviors and compare them to the more favorable relationships that characterize a healthy relationship. When we disturb these patterns and actively engage in better and healthier ways to interact, we feel more close and contentment, and we can keep the charm alive in our relationships.

Here are the toxic behaviors to look out for:

1. Is your partner controlling?

And that doesn’t mean that your spouse has asked you to lay the toilet seat, and therefore she controls it. You may feel that you are in control when you are afraid to share your opinions with your partner. The person does not have to be threatening, but you are very careful so that your partner does not react brutally.

2. There is no appreciation.

Two people must support and encourage each other. Relationships will always fall apart if you start taking your partner for granted. Acknowledge it when your partner is preparing a good meal or looks good when he goes out with you. Gratitude maintains a healthy relationship even if there is distress in life.

3. Do you consistently feel bad about yourself?

When you are not satisfied with their business because they make you feel that you are not good enough, it is likely that the person is not right for you. A partner plays a crucial role in increasing your self-esteem, and if it brings out flaws in you, chances are you will develop a habit of self-hatred and start to be unhappy. Now, in itself, it’s very toxic behavior.

4. Plates have been broken.

Throwing objects into a fight is a red flag that the relationship will not work. It’s a very unhealthy way to show your emotions, and if the plate is thrown to the ground three times, fourth time, it will hit you. You are not emotionally safe if your partner exhibits such behavior and you tend to live in fear.

5. Too much competition is no good.

It is one thing to challenge your partner, but another to always compete with him. You could become passive-aggressive if you both try to reach a level higher than that of your partner. Insecurities about you could happen, and you could also feel happy when the other person fails something. Now, this is not a positive aspect of a relationship.

6. Are you trying to make your partner jealous?

It may sound funny to you, but it is unhealthy to make your partner insecure. You may get the desired reaction from your partner, but it is not the right way to know how your partner is feeling. This could make them angry and afraid because of your manipulative behavior.

7. Hanging out is a chore.

Do you go out with your partner for “fun” or do you really like their company? Sometimes it seems difficult to end relationships, even if they seem like a burden and you could watch a movie, instead of spending time with your partner. You are no longer really interested in them, but you have to go out just to maintain the relationship.

8. Silent treatment.

When two people are mad at each other, they tend to avoid conversations just to show how upset they are. But this results in even more anger buildup. It is a better idea to let your emotions out, even if it can trigger a fight.

9. Blaming your partner.

If your partner does not show sympathy for how shit the day you have had, it does not mean that you should blame him for it. These are not clowns that would cheer you up. You have to control your own emotions, and they might not care how well or bad you feel throughout the day as it is not their fault.

10. Not accepting your mistakes.

You must have the courage to admit your mistakes because it is not all your partner’s fault. There is no chance of improving the relationship if you do not see where you are wrong. Your partner may be frustrated in the end and abandon the relationship.

11. Misunderstanding instead of understanding.

In a fantasy, we tend to see our partners for whom we need them rather than for who they are. We can distort them by idealizing them or putting them on a pedestal. We can separate them, disparage them by projecting negative qualities to them. We can even consider them more critical, intrusive or rejecting than them because we grew up with people who had these qualities. When we don’t respect the border between ourselves and our partner, we are more likely to see them as an extension of ourselves, and we can abuse or criticize them in the same way that we abuse or criticize ourselves.

In an ideal relationship, we see our partner realistically, both its strengths and its weaknesses, and we accept it for what it is. We do not allow ourselves to create a negative caricature, which means not focusing on their faults and engaging in critical thinking. However, it also means not creating a grand image. No one can truly feel loved if they do not feel that they have seen realistically. When a partner edifies or demolishes us, we can feel as if we are on fragile ground, without really being loved for who we are. This is why it is so important not to distort the other person.

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