I fought with Mom again today. She wants me around every day. I love her and cannot imagine life without her but she needs to let me go.
She wanted me to visit her today; after all, Wednesday evening the clinic is closed. But, I did NOT want to visit her. There were errands to run, work to finish, friends to meet and above everything, I didn’t want to meet her. I’m sure I’m allowed a life of my own. She doesn’t get it. She called me to say that all I do is ignore her. It started with blackmailing, “You don’t love me.” Then followed the nasty remarks, “You cannot meet your own mother during free time. Must be spending time with all those men in your life.” Worse could have followed but I lost my cool and disconnected the phone.
Sometimes I wonder, why do I even tell her about my life. Last week, I told her about this guy who met me at a club and was cheeky enough to ask me out in 5 minutes flat. Now, she wants to know if I am thinking of a future with him. I mean, seriously?!
Going forth, I won’t even bother to tell her about my free evenings. I’ll tell her that Wednesday evenings are spent working on the new clinic. Hahahahaha! Devil me!
Ever since my divorce, she feels she has become responsible for me again. That day when Rose and her husband came home, I offered them drinks. Later when I was telling Mom about this, she got angry. “How can you offer drinks to someone? You are a single woman – single woman do not do this! What will they think about you? They will feel you are so modern. This is why your husband also left you – super modern about everything. This is morally unacceptable.”
I can almost hear her saying this as I type this letter to you. Is there any relationship in this world which is easy?
Is there any person around us who makes me feel that we are complete as we are? Someone who wouldn’t want us to change?
Someone who would accept us the way we are? Maybe not.
I’m single, young enough in today’s world to have a life of my own, meet friends, and consider relationships. Nothing morally unacceptable if you have multiple male friends! Why do single women need to conform to the rules of the society? I cannot conform and I will not conform. I’m asked to not travel alone late in the night, as I’ll be looked down upon because I’m single. Not go out for lunches and dinners with men, as they will think I’m easy. God!
I work, I meet men – I need to socialise. And I know where to draw the line with whom.
Oh, and did I tell you how she even questioned me about my regular parlour visits? “What will you do colouring your hair and ensuring you look good? Entice men and become a disgrace to me and my family?”
Life is anyways difficult being single, do I really need her to add to my woes? Sometimes I feel I was better off with Shashank… at least all this noise and chaos in my life wouldn’t have existed. Sometimes I wonder if I should reach out to him. But 4 years is a long time. I don’t even know if he’s still single. Maybe he has remarried. Maybe he’s still angry. Maybe he has moved on….
Ok, rant over for today. Anger gone. Will call Mom tomorrow and talk to her. Till she shouts again for something else…!
Before I end today’s letter, do tell me sometime how you dealt with that neighbour of yours who kept coming over on the pretext of asking for milk. Maybe you should call him and his wife over for tea one weekend and present them with a few cartons of milk. Every time you tell me about him, I am reminded of that liquor ad – ‘Men will be men’.
More details about the various ‘men’ around me in tomorrow’s letter.
As Simran finished her letter, her eyes fell on the lovely painting on the wall by her mom. Her mom was an artist and a very good one too. She was Simran’s backbone. Someone who had supported her through all the good, bad and ugly. And despite all the fights and disagreements, Simran knew that if there was anyone who understood her the most – it was her mom.