Are you struggling with a bad relationship? Are you unhappy because you waste time with all these losers and wonder if you will ever find the right one?
Do not abandon!
There are many lessons to be learned from bad relationships, lessons that will prepare you for success when you find the right person.
What kind of lessons? Let me tell you…
1. What red flags look like.
If you don’t know the term “red flags”, let me explain.
The red flags indicate that something bad is coming. Sometimes they are clear and sometimes they are not. Often we ignore them. And when we do, disasters happen.
What could a red flag look like?
Some are subtle. Maybe he talks a lot about his ex, or he has a bad relationship with his mother. He may not have been able to keep a job. Maybe he refuses to talk about something difficult.
Some are more obvious. Maybe he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship. Maybe he is telling you that your male friend must leave.
Hopefully, bad relationships will help you recognize that these red flags can be accurate and that if you hadn’t paid attention to them at first, you could have saved yourself a lot of pain.
2. What not to do.
One lesson you can learn from bad relationships is not to do next.
Many of us have behaviors that we repeat in each relationship, and many of us have a series of bad relationships because of this.
Many people tend to personalize the things that happen in a relationship. If our loved one comes home late, it’s because they don’t love us
And although in some cases these things may be true, more often than not, things that people have nothing to do with the other person – they have to do with an error in judgment and neglect.
So don’t take it personally – that’s not all for you.
Another thing that people tend to do in bad relationships is to be passive aggressive and antagonistic.
Instead of facing a problem head-on, many of us make sneaky comments on the side, hoping that our person will hear our displeasure and act on it. In addition, we continue to discuss an issue to the point that our partner no longer cares about our concerns.
These are just two behaviors that derail many relationships. There are others.
Look carefully at your role in this relationship – bad relationships rarely happen because of a person’s behavior. Find out what you are and write it down.
3. That enabling is not supporting.
Have you ever had a difficult relationship and tried to save it by being united?
Many of us believe that if we can just support ourselves, the relationship will last. If we are patient while our partners work late or hold hands when they feel in danger again about something that happened at the gym or looks the other way when they have this third vodka after dinner, we think they will notice us and stay in love with us. Maybe their disturbing behaviors will change.
Unfortunately, this “support” is really more “empowering”, and activation is not good in any relationship.
If you continue to look the other way when your partner gets drunk or ignores you because of work or shouts at you because of his own insecurities, you tell your partner that his behavior is correct. And if your partners think their behavior is correct, they will never change.
If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting him. Either talk about it or walk.
4. What traits you do want in a partner.
One of the clearest lessons to learn in bad relationships is what you really want in a partner.
Even if we cling to bad partners, we start to see their gaps very clearly and so we can get an idea of what we would ideally want if we were in charge of the world.
I had a guy I loved but who was hopelessly insecure, who wanted to please everyone, who had a quick temper, who lived with a ton of fear and who was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I suffered.
When I finally broke up this relationship, I went looking for a guy who knew who he was, who was patient, kind and stable. I was very clear about this and finally found what I was looking for.
So what do you want from a partner? Make a list. Write it. Refer to it often.
Also, Read: Uncomfortable Signs You’re Actually Ready For A Real Relationship
5. That letting go is not giving up.
I can’t tell you how many of my clients who have a hard time giving up on love in bad relationships tell me that they don’t go away because they don’t want to give up. Let them not leave.
And I always tell them the same thing – that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you are the only one making the effort, or the efforts that you both make do not work, then this n is not a matter of giving up. You can only control your own efforts – only you can finish this marathon – but you cannot control someone else. It is not giving up if your partner does not give all the same.
So if you’re having trouble “giving up”, don’t do it! Know that you can give up a love that is not useful to you and pass your head high, knowing that you have done your best.
6. How strong you are.
For those of us who have survived bad relationships (which, roughly, we all do in the end), we know how strong we are.
By having the courage to let go of a love that was not serving you, you recover your own power, a power that you could have lost in the struggle that was your bad relationship.
Talk to someone who has escaped from a bad situation and you will see someone who may be sad, maybe really sad, but someone who feels powerful could have done it.
Letting go of bad relationships is incredibly difficult – do it and you will feel stronger than ever.
7. Prefer being alone than being unhappy.
One thing that can become very clear when you are in a bad relationship is how much better it can be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you unhappy.
There is nothing worse than the pain of being in a bad relationship day after day. You wake up to that; he lives with you all day and is there when you go to bed at night.
Sure, when you’re alone, you can spend time on your couch watching Game of Thrones, but your time is yours. You can do what you want. And even if you feel unhappy about being alone, I can promise you that it is not as miserable as you might feel if you spend your days fighting bad relationships.
Learning from bad relationships is key to finding love and happiness.
The goal is not to repeat history – neither at work nor with parenting, behavior or relationships. The goal is to learn from our mistakes and move forward to find success in the future.
So take a look at the bad relationships you’ve had in your life and take stock of the lessons you’ve learned so you can do things differently in the future.
You can do it! True love awaits you!
