She doesn’t want to feel the pain anymore. She’s had enough.
Sometimes she wishes she had never been born, that she never had to go through what she did. She wishes she could live someone else’s life just to escape hers.
That’s what he did to her. This is how broken she was, that she wanted to reject her own life at all costs, even if it meant not existing.
Living in this fucked up life was a constant battle.
She had to fight for her sanity and her life every day.
Sometimes she would fall and forget who she was, and sometimes she would stand actively on the floor, scratching doors in agony, wanting and screaming to get out.
On the days when nothing could beat her, she knew exactly what was going on. She knew he was emotionally abusing her.
She knew he was an emotional vampire who needed to feed off his pain and suffering. But, she could do nothing about it.
So, in her mind, she lay down naked on her back and used her to feast on her.
There was no way out because all the doors around her were not only locked, but sealed.
On the days he won the battle, she would forget who she was. She would follow him blindly, listening to his every word.
She would retreat deep into her own mind where there was still a place to hide and she would close.
She would shut herself off from herself and the world. The only way to survive him and what he was doing to her was to become a stranger to herself.
Why did she stay? She stayed because she had no other choice.
She knew something was wrong, but she couldn’t figure it out. These men will do that to you. They will blind you completely and make you believe that everything is perfectly fine.
On the other hand, they will use you for their own satisfaction until they suck you hard.
She stayed because she was manipulated.
This is the problem with emotional psychopaths. Their victims do not even know when they are being abused.
These women get so used to the idea of being abused that it becomes their everyday condition, it becomes normal.
Even if they wake up for a moment from their dream that the psychopath has fulfilled, they cannot escape it because they think they don’t deserve anything better.
She stayed because he made her feel like she was crazy.
It was her specialty, making her believe things that had never happened, making her believe that she had said words that she had never said.
He wanted her to lose her voice and become an empty shell waiting to be filled with her thoughts and aspirations.
She stayed because she was afraid to leave.
He took away her self-esteem and respect and she didn’t think she was kind. She thought she was responsible for everything that happened to them. She thought no one would want her after she left.
She stayed because she was addicted to him.
He made her addicted to his abusive behavior. Whenever she wanted to leave, he knew it and he would change his behavior instantly.
Just to keep her, he would give her enough love and attention.
And that went on for a few days, but as soon as things got better, as soon as she thought he could change, he became the monster he always has been.
But even though she went to hell and returned, she found the strength to finally end it all.
She finally realized that she wasn’t going to waste her life on an emotional psychopath because she knew she deserved better.
She knew she deserved someone who would move mountains for her, someone who would help her become the best she could, someone who would challenge her, someone who would respect and cherish her, so she said goodbye to him forever.
But it’s not the end of the journey, it’s just the beginning. This is where his real struggle begins. It is the period of her life that will show whether she was successful or not.
This is the moment when she finds herself staring her biggest fear in the eye: “Will she be able to love anyone again?”
1. She needs a sanctuary
She needs someone who will understand what she’s been through. Her trust has been completely shattered and crushed and it’s going to be so hard for her to put her faith in someone again.
The only person she can love is someone who will protect her from the most insignificant things, someone who will let her know that he got her back at any time of the day, someone who will protect her from herself.
Only then she will slowly show him the way to her heart. Once there, it will stay there forever.
2. She builds walls around her
It is almost impossible to reach her, to tear down that tall, thick wall that she has built around her to protect her. It makes her lonely and sad, but at least she’s safe.
This is how his mind works. It is better and good to be alone than to suffer.
If you really want his love, you will be patient. You will stand in front of this wall, day and night, in the sun or in the rain, waiting for her to let you in.
She’ll be distant, but that has nothing to do with you, it’s her fear of getting the best of her.
3. She unconsciously pushes men away
If she starts dating you, don’t be surprised if she starts to panic even though everything is fine. It’s his past.
She is afraid that you will become the heartless jerk who hurt her every day. Could you blame her?
She will probably get cold and start ignoring you because her subconscious is preventing her from letting go. She will try to sabotage your relationship, she will do anything to chase you away.
Don’t fall for it, be there for her, but give her some space. It’s only a matter of time when she realizes that this time is different.