Marriages are tricky someways. They have it’s ups and downs. Though it is good to have some form of expectation, sometimes those expectations can be a misconception. Here are some of the most common misconceptions of marriage.
1. Marriage should resemble the wedding day
No. Weddings are a celebration of new beginnings and family. Marriages are much more than that. Fun is what you have with your friends. But if you want a long lasting marriage with your partner, you’ll need much more than friendship. Look at it this way. Your marriage will be much more stronger and joyful when you and your spouse can deal with the inevitable difficulties.
2. You will live happily ever after
As cliché as this is, many people still believe in the fairy tale of happily ever after. Many people believe the hard part is getting to the altar. While getting down the aisle may be a difficult task, the real work begins once the vows are exchanged. I’ve heard numerous married couples say “anyone can get married, but the real question is ‘can they stay married?’.” Staying married is the real task. Just because two people decided to get married doesn’t mean they will always want to stay married. Every single day, they should promise each other that no matter what happens, they are not giving up and wants to be together. Some days are easier than others, but a fight nonetheless. But they still want to end up together in spite of all that. So, don’t worry about thinking about forever. Just take it one day at a time.
3. You and your spouse are a unit and no longer individuals.
“The second you two cease being the individuals who entered the relationship, the unit begins a slow downward spiral.” As mentioned by a friend. Emphasis on the slow aspect. It might not be apparent at first, but when one or both of the partner in a marriage stop being an individual, the relationship will always suffer consequences. Either that or the relationship becomes so codependent and suffocating that when one of them is without the company of their spouse, they feel dysfunctional.
4. Your spouse will complete you
When phrases such as “you complete me” are considered romantic, it’s no wonder people think it is true. Many people believe that any deficits they have in themselves can be compensated by their spouse. I hate to be the bearer of this bad news, but no person has the power to complete you. I have seen countless people feel the same emptiness they felt in singleness in their marriage and they can’t understand why. You must learn to complete yourself. There is nothing worse than marrying the person of your dreams and not being able to enjoy it because you haven’t dealt with your own issues. Don’y you think the love of your life should know the whole version of you and not just a portion?
5. Marriage will solve problems of trust and insecurity
Got big problems trusting your spouse and want even more problems? Get married. Issues of trust in a relationship are serious. Nothing outside of hard work and attention needed to save a relationship will be enough. Marriage won’t solve these issues.
6. They will change once married
I can’t tell you how many people believe that a switch flips at the altar and when you say “I do” something changes in people. Newsflash, the words “I do” won’t change a person entirely. Yes, there are somethings people are willing to change due to getting married such as consulting your spouse in decision making. Marriage will not change that undesirable trait you don’t like in your soon to be spouse. If your partner doesn’t want children, that won’t necessarily disappear just because you got married. If your partner sleeps around, marrying them will not immediately make them want to stop. If they spend money uncontrollably, marrying you won’t make them want to be a financial guru. So don’t expect someone to change simply because they married you. Make sure you are willing to live the rest of your life with this person just the way they ARE.
7. Spouse is responsible for making you feel better
Feeling anxious, angry, or depressed? You want to open up and talk to your partner about it. You don’t want to unload on them. You don’t want to look to them to give you the answers or to know “exactly what you want” when you are hurting. Your partner’s job is to support you. Your job is to do the self work. The saying “happy wife equals happy life”? Somebody’s getting left out.
8. Sex will decrease
Many couples have feared the decrease in intimacy and sex drive that has plagued marriages for years. The truth of the matter is, you as a couple dictate how much sex you will indulge in during your marriage. Again, there is not a switch that flips at the altar that turns off your sex drive. Yes, there are things that will arise in your lives that could get in the way of sex such as children, tough work schedules and simply age. You as a couple though have to make sex a priority to prevent other things from hindering it. The same way you should prioritize quality time and communication is the same way you should prioritize your sex life.
9. Kids will improve a marriage
Kids are great. Having kids doesn’t improve a marriage. It will just test your marriage’s level of patience and commitment in a way that exists only when you have kids. Maybe if you learn how to have a marriage with kids, it will improve a marriage. But only if a couple welcomes the challenges of having a family. Once children arrive, having them between the relationship you have with your spouse will hurt intimacy.
10. Love is enough
If I had a dollar for every couple who thought love would be enough to keep their marriage strong I would be millionaire by now. As romantic as it sounds, love is not enough. Truth be told, there will be times when you don’t feel much love at all. Love comes and goes. It is a feeling. Do you feel happy all the time? How about angry? No. Love is the same way. It just that some days you don’t feel the feel of being “in love.” It will be your respect for your vows you made to each other and the marriage itself that will keep you together. That’s what will get you through the loveless days until the love returns.
11. You can continue your social life like before
You might want to give it a try, but it’s doubtful you can get back your old social life. Attempts to maintain it will likely result in a decline in connection with your partner. Add kids to your relationship and your social life will, and rightfully should, be drastically diminished. This doesn’t mean that you and your spouse can’t find ways to socialize together but it won’t be what it was before you were married.
12. You can change your partner
The only thing that you can change in a marriage is changing yourself. Surprisingly, you might find that when you change your relationship changes in ways that actually help you get what you wanted in the first place. Always focus on things that you can change.
While there are numerous of misconceptions people have in their minds about marriage, I hope these help to clarify some things. Happy loving!!!